I want to be as brutally honest on my blog as possible, even if I don't always want to admit these things to others. Promise not to judge, k?
Soooo, yesterday I was at work talking with my co-worker whom I sit beside at the call center. Here's the background: We have a little bit of a flirtatious, friendly relationship. We even used to "exchange texts" months ago but that simmered down for whatever reason. As much as our personalities click, I just don't think we want the same things right now.
He insists everyday that I have a boyfriend. In recent months, I've ditched my glasses for contacts, I've straightened my hair for the first time in years & I've gotten, umm...thicker. In his mind, all of this adds up to: You got a man!
He couldn't be anymore wrong...
Why can't I make these changes for
myself (which I did)? I got contacts because I was tired of wearing glasses, I straightened my hair to re-appreciate my natural curls and kinks, and I got thicker, wellll...because I've been eating. All the wrong things. A lot.
So, I tell my co-worker I don't have a boyfriend--I have
two: Ben and Jerry. That's the only thing giving me something nice and sweet right before I go to bed. (LOL!)
Somehow or another, the age-old question came up yesterday: "Why are you single?". I've been asked this question so many times, mainly by guys that are trying to hit on me. The honest answer to that question is that if I really knew the answer to that question--I would
not be single! The question haunted me for the rest of the day at work:
Why am I single...CHRONICALLY single?
For basically all of my life, I have been single. Not single like "I'm dating around & loving my freedom," I'm talking about single...with no prospects. I've had one boyfriend back in high school that I actually count (we dated for 6 months). Other than that, it's been casual text flings and a few hot-and-heavy make out sessions.
Now, look, I said don't judge. A lot of you are probably thinking right now: Is she crazy? Is she a lesbian? Is she just too picky? The answer to every one of those questions is "no". I just feel like I've been unlucky in love. I long for it and have spent so many nights fantasizing about what that love would feel like and hugging my pillow to sleep.
So, I'm going to try to dig deeper. I'm almost 24 years old and this year I would love to actually find a man. This drought has got to end! All of my friends, family & associates want it to be over too! I even promised my friends (and family) last year that if I didn't meet a man organically, I would sign up for all the online dating subscriptions (eHarmony, Match.com, BlackPeopleMeet) on my 24th birthday. Lo and behold, I'm 3 months away and no boyfriend or prospects. Ugh.
Now, I've tried consulting with others friends, other guys...my little sister...for advice. All of them have different words of wisdom, but all of them seem to be on one accord: it doesn't make sense that I'm single. I'm fairly attractive. I'm intelligent. I have a great personality. I know how to dress. (I'm saying this in the least cockiest voice that I can.) It just doesn't make sense.
So, why? WHY AM I SINGLE?
I've pondered this question for many,
many years. I don't think there is one particular
reason I'm single but here's 7 things that may contribute to my singledom:
1.
I'm kinda shy. Now, for those who really know me, they wouldn't say this is true. When I'm in a crowd or surrounded by strangers, I get a little anxious. It's hard for me to talk to others...especially men that I find attractive. I turn into a middle school girl all over again.
2.
I'm not aggressive enough. Oftentimes, I wait to be approached by guys. I've talked to a few friends and their advice was for
me to approach guys. Then I ask: "Have you ever approached a guy??" They say "No." The message that this sends to me: "I always get approached...but since you're having problems--
you need to do the approaching." I come out of the conversation feeling like something is really wrong with me. Maybe it wouldn't hurt for me to try, but my shyness kinda gets in the way.
3.
I come across unapproachable/high maintenance. I've been told that because I like to dress
nice and
fashion forward, it makes me unapproachable. (Huh?!) Apparently, the way I dress makes men think that I'm high maintenance and I've even heard that I dress "like I already have a man." I've also heard that I should try cracking a smile. I tend to have "resting bitch face" syndrome--meaning my straight face comes off mean. When people talk to me, I almost instantly smile though. I've read that smiling at a man makes them feel more comfortable. I guess it couldn't hurt to smile.
4.
I don't know how to flirt. This is embarrassingly true. Most girls seem to naturally pick up on how to flirt--I missed the lesson. I don't always know if I'm sending the right signals to guys. Can flirting be taught?
5.
I don't really get out much. My social circle is tiny. There's no one for me to meet walking around my apartment. In a nutshell: Maybe if I got out more, it my broaden my dating pool.
6.
My text/messaging game is weak. I take forever to respond for one of two reasons: 1) I forgot about your message 2) I got tired of trying to think of the "right" response. Sadly, this has cost me a few potential candidates. I stop texting and everything fizzles out. Even though texting is the new age way to communicate, I prefer phone conversations.
7.
I don't give up "the cookie". In a world where men expect "microwave p&%$y," I'm not going to give up the goods without a little work. (I'll dive more into why in another post.)
Ok, so here's a few areas where I could definitely improve my chances. I want to find a man. I want to find love. 2016 is my year! Let's find it.
If you have any advice for me or have a similar story, please COMMENT below!
To Be Continued...
Live Your Life In YELLOW!
Yours Truly,
Aesha <3
(DISCLAIMER: I promise all my blog posts won't be as long or a bunch of my venting sessions. lol)
