I'm 22 years old. At this point, I've been an adult for 4 years and a legal adult (in other words, I'm able to drink alcohol at bars!) for only 1 year. Even though I'm technically "grown", there's still kind of a dissonance.
On one hand, I still feel like a "girl". I am and will always and forever be, a dreamer. And I dream BIG. I still have that bit of naivety, which can be good and bad. The reality is, I need to learn to plan and be a little more realistic sometimes. I need to make these dreams come true. Girls fantasize. Women REALIZE their dreams.
I don't think it helps that I don't actually look my age. I mean, most grown look at me with my puff, glasses, smooth baby skin, and no makeup and think that I could be no older than 18. And they tend to treat me as such...Sometimes I think that's why I don't get approached by a lot of guys my age. They think I'm jail bait!
Even though my youthful look is something I definitely wanna hold on to (especially when I get up in age), at 22 years old, I just want to look my age! We can rewind the clock at sayyyyy...25! My solution to looking more mature, is that I'm headed to the makeup counter. The truth is, most girls my age wear makeup. Even though I don't think I need makeup (as some people do...), there's nothing wrong with wanting to enhance my look! Girls look cute. Women look GORGEOUS.
Now, with all I just said, do not mistake this for the fact that I am immature and irresponsible. I think I was 18 or 19, I remember telling my little cousin (who was about 7, by the way) that I was grown. Being the sassy thing she was, she asked, "Do you have a job? Do you have a car? Do you have an apartment?"' (I didn't.) "Then you ain't grown!" LOL. If that's all it takes, I guess I'm grown. I have a job, my own car, and an apartment that I pay the rent for. All this while, making Dean's List for 2 straight semesters and I'll be graduating in December. I drink, but never drive. I don't tell guys I love them when I don't. I keep my legs closed. Etcetera, etc.
But let's get to the point since my butt is getting sore from sitting under the hair dryer. lol With graduation quickly approaching in December for me, I have truly started evaluating myself and my future. College was a stall for time until I get out in the real world. It was also time to think about what exactly I want to do in the future: I want to be successful. I want to be happy. I want to be respected by others. This is true, but this is a girl's plan. It lacks true direction, goals, and a timeline. I am realizing that in order to reach the goals and bring my ambitious 10-year old girl self's dreams to fruition, I need to start looking at myself as a woman. I need others to look at me in that way as well. I need a WOMAN'S plan.
There may be so much I have yet to learn and the future is pretty unsure, but I know one thing's for sure.....I am not a girl: I'm a WOMAN!
Yours Truly,
Aesha
P.S. Here's one of my anthems "I Am Woman" by Jordin Sparks!
